Spent

This story begins with something called a fan brush.

I'm in a portrait class this semester, and over the past few weeks I've systematically bought paints and brushes using daily coupons at Michael's and Hobby Lobby, gradually accruing the tools and supplies I need, all for 40% off.  This weekend I needed a fan brush.

I returned home with my goods, packed them in my backpack and didn't think about it again.  until I came home from a run to my phone going off.  B. was on the other line.  She told me that there had been a security breach at a few retail stores (much like the recent Target hack) including Michaels, where I had gotten my brush just hours ago.  She, knowing my tendency for extreme frugality and my long-term plans to shop at Michael's, urged me to change as much information as I could on my debit account so as to protect our money.

As a side note, I had recently received a loan for an upcoming field trip with my department so there was considerably more in my account than usual.  More cash at stake = more stress for B.  My bank's hotline had closed, their customer service down for the day, so I did the most I could and sent them an email asking for a hold on the current card and to send me a new one asap.

I checked my account later that night, first thing the next morning and again mid-day. Still secure.

Nothing spent.


That afternoon, in the midst of a grocery run I splurged on some fancy shampoo B. had requested for Valentine's Day. (romance often gives way to practicality for us - especially when it's 50% off)  I handed the cashier my early present and my debit card.  My heart sank as the screen flashed red and told us that the card had been rejected.

I quickly bought the shampoo with a credit card and we raced home.  B. was furious with me for not calling the emergency number and reporting the card stolen, just to be safe.  What would we do if I was suddenly bankrupt?  How would we pay our bills?  Would they max out our credit cards, too?  How much could they hack from us?  Would it all be spent?  I was a little concerned about losing my loan in addition to my own money on the card, but knew I wouldn't know anything for sure until we got home and checked.

It was one of the more silent drives of my life as B. raced home, (to her credit) resisting the urge to berate my incompetence.

We made quite a pair during those ten minutes or so.  She was a nervous, frantic, panicky wreck.  I - well, I wouldn't characterize myself as the picture of stoic calm, but I was significantly more relaxed than my poor B.

Funny thing is, I was a lot like her not long ago.  I used up a lot of my early years worrying and fretting about forces beyond my control and often, quite frankly not my concern.  I stressed about my dad finding a great career, about my mother's pregnancies, about how my siblings were treated by their friends, etc.  I was a worrier.

But I think a lot of that stress got all spent early on, so I save my anxiety for when the occasion truly calls for it.  My worry is a precious resource now.  So, in a situation like this one, where I know my hands are tied and there's nothing I can do until I have more information, I'm pretty calm.  One disaster at a time.

Well, we got home and I logged on to see all my funds present and accounted for with a small message from the bank informing me that all funds were frozen and that a new card would reach me in 2-5 business days.

Poor B. sighed with relief, hands still tremoring as she wilted onto the couch.  She quickly apologized for being short with me, I responded with my own apology for not putting two and two together earlier and making her worry so much.

I don't take those apologies lightly either.  I rarely get them from B.  True, she's usually right when we disagree (most wives are) so its a rare occasion itself, but I also know while I was using up all of my worry, she was using up a lot of something much more precious: her forgiveness.

In the years I've known her, my B. has really been dragged through the mud by a lot of people who should have had her back.  Years of false friends and betrayals add up quick, and the well of her forgiveness goes much deeper than mine, I can tell you.  So when she apologizes to me or forgives me, I know its a big deal.


At one point or another, everyone gets close to being spent.


What have you spent?

What are you holding in reserve?



S