My brother graduated high school today.
My mom sent me a photo. When the blurred photo appeared on my tiny screen, I could only smile. There he slouched, decked with all the trimmings of pomp and circumstance, that trademark look of detached bemusement that never completely leaves his face. Logan in his truest form.
In many ways Logan and I are different. He got a near perfect score on his ACT exam; I took the SAT twice to get a decent cumulative score. He is an intense, avid gamer and plays for hours given the opportunity; I shelved Starcraft the moment a girl turned my head and haven't played much since. He has been known to subsist entirely on cereal for days at a time; I find cooking therapeutic as well as nutritious. He refuses to waste time on activities (or some people) that can't engage his intellect; I waste a lot of time being too nice. He doesn't talk much, especially when you first meet, but when he does it's insightful, hilarious, or both; I make a passable pretense at insight and I'm rarely funny on purpose.
B. often tells me I'm just like my dad. But she forgets that I'm a lot like my brothers, too. Adam and I both have ipod shuffles for brains, constantly humming or beatboxing some obscure song that can usually only be recognized by each other. Josh and I share an affinity for legos, an unhealthy addiction to the works of Bill Watterson, and a sense of wonder about the world. And Dallin - well, we both like driving our parents crazy and using our endearing cuteness to get away with it.
But Logan... Well, in him I see the quiet soul in myself. The introverted intellectual. The passenger who doesn't mind the backseat. The watchful wallflower. He and I are private people.
I've learned to divulge and not play so close to the chest now that I have B. in my life, but beyond that I'm a relatively private person. I can small-talk, I can be friendly, and if we're really good friends I'll bare my soul to you (you know who you are). But I don't mind spending a Saturday at home alone. I don't bother myself. I can go to the movies myself and have a great time. I can rock out at home and dance in my living room and have a much better time than I would going out dancing or negotiating the logistics of an outing with friends. For me, the private party - the personal day, the headphone-concert, the quiet rave - that's where I really can enjoy myself.
I didn't throw a graduation party when I left the hallowed halls of high school. I graduated, and then I went home with my friends who quickly became disappointed and bored at my lack of festivity. I used to think I just didn't know how to have a good time. Now I think the prospect of entertaining other people and concerning myself with their enjoyment was too daunting a task.
But I don't think Logan will shut down as I did. I'm told he's going to at least one big party and taking a trip with friends as well. Celebrating in a big, public way in a large group isn't usually his style, and I tip my hat to him. That's another way he and I are different: he's full of surprises. Just when you think you've got him figured out he can turn on a dime and do something completely unexpected. B. can attest, I am far too predictable.
Congratulations, Logan. You made it.
Now the real party begins.
Life is awesome, and you're going to own it.
Now go play League or beat Metroid for the 8th time or something. Enjoy your summer.
B. gets frustrated that she doesn't know my family that well, particularly my brothers - who are, let's face it, cryptic sphinxes compared to the open books that are her sisters - and my sister. But I try to tell her that it's not her, and it's not them either. It's not anyone's fault, no one offended anyone.
It isn't a grudge or a slight, it's just who they are. Who we are. The quiet ones, thinking private thoughts and living private lives. Many people get uncomfortable around privacy, but the ones who really enjoy themselves don't have time to waste on discomfort.
What about you? Do you rave quietly? Or do you party loud?
S
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